DouchebagIs

#193 Old Dudes w/ Earrings

admin — Thu, 17 May 2012 11:31:55 +0000

DBI Alert… Remember being a teenager when you and your buddies made fun of older dudes that still had earrings or ponytails? Well, looks like you’re that douchebag now! Here’s the reality check that your friends & family have failed to provide: YOU ARE OLD! There is NO motorcycle purchase, hair product, Under Armour workout gear or ridiculous earrings capable of saving you from Father Time.

#192 Skywalking

admin — Thu, 10 May 2012 15:55:13 +0000

DBI Alert … Just when we thought the new generation of incredibly stupid “look-at-me” human tricks could not get any worse, we stumbled across this story of what kids in Russia are doing for five seconds of Internet fame. From where we sit, the ONLY thing that qualifies as EXTREME about this sort of inherently reckless behavior is its massively high degree of douchebaggery.

#191 ComicConners

admin — Thu, 03 May 2012 13:43:13 +0000

DBI Alert … Avengers Assemble! Captain America – check. Iron Man – check. Hulk – check. Thor – check. Middle-aged adults dressed up in silly costumes in order to play pretend superhero in public for a day – check! There’s a super fine line between fandom & douchebagdom. Choose wisely.

(Admittedly, we’re pretty geeked about seeing the new Avengers movie.)

#190 26.2 People

admin — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 10:56:17 +0000

DBI Alert … Just so we’re clear, you ran how many miles in that race? 3.2? 6.4? 13.1? Oh wait, it was 26.2? Ah, so that’s why you’ve pasted these random decimal point numbers to the back of your car. Got it. Now it all makes sense. Not only are you in far better shape than the rest of us, you’re also more willing to broadcast it. Well, congratulations on mastering the ability to run stupid far without losing your sh*t. Better yet, take a cue from this Funny or Die story.

#189 Movie Feet

admin — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 11:00:48 +0000

DBI Alert … One side effect of the movie theater experience becoming more and more like catching a flick from the comfy confines of your family room: The # of douchebags that think they actually ARE on their couch at home. Feet up. Shoes off. Why not just paint your nails while we’re at it? The rest of us here in District 12 will take one for the team by keeping our Nikes on for the duration of this 2+ hour journey to Panem.

#188 Tronies

admin — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 13:40:20 +0000

DBI Alert … Your world as you knew it is gone. How far would you go to bring it back? Apparently, you’d go as far as to outfit your Jeep Wrangler with ridiculous video game paraphernalia.

Memo to people who think this whole ‘living in a video game’ idea (i.e., Tron) is just one well-placed lightening strike away:

It’s just a game! The only fierce gladiatorial battles or undiscovered realms you are in danger of being pulled into involve you being drafted into the royal order of douchebags.

#187 The ‘D Team’

admin — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 12:04:26 +0000

DBI Alert … We pity the fool that spends his or her hard-earned cash on something so inherently ridiculous.

Seriously dude, if you are going to pimp out the old beater van with hydraulics and a lift kit, then at least have the guts to spring for the big ass tires.

Otherwise, you, BA, Face and Murdock have absolutely zero chance of helping the innocent or evading the douche police.

#186 Tom’s Shoegaze

admin — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 14:01:18 +0000

DBI Alert … Here’s the thing about Tom’s Shoes. It’s a noble cause, built around making a difference by sending a pair of shoes to someone who needs them for every pair you buy. So, on some level, we can respect the appeal.

But – HOLY CRAP – they are ugly as hell. We can’t help thinking the reason many people wear them is it allows them to make some superficial statement about “giving back” to help the less fortunate.

Here’s a better suggestion… why not send BOTH pairs to this needy person? That way, you’re TWICE as generous and you don’t have to wear cheap-ass kicks that look like they were made by kids in a summer camp program sitting around a picnic table. Better yet, buy a pair of good hiking boots or weather-proof shoes that will actually benefit the person for longer than the month or two it will take for these low-riding Converse knock-offs to fall apart in the “less-than-ideal” living conditions of the target audience.

#185 Vocal Fry

admin — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 12:34:05 +0000

DBI Alert… Lots o’ girls getting their creaky voice on. Called vocal fry or voice fry, it refers to the low, guttural speech pattern or vibrations that often appear at the end of a sentence to give the words – or the speaker – an illusion of importance or being part of the “in” crowd. Example.

In the family tree of super annoying language fads, this one lives on a large branch right above the 1980s Valley Girls. Like so many things, we can blame this trend on celebs like Brittany, Ke$ha, the Kardashians & shows like ‘The Bachelor.’

While the long-term health ramification of this epidemic is still unknown, the short-term douchebag effect is crystal clear.

#184 Mantyhose

admin — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 13:48:03 +0000

DBI Alert … Unless this is part of your Renaissance Festival “work attire” (which would also be highly questionable), we can find no logical explanation for a dude to willingly strap on a pair of “mantyhose.” Seriously people, we’re starting to root for the Mayan 2012 prophecy.

Why not just go all the way with your Euro-weenie style? One aisle over you can find the mascara and lip gloss, maybe a matching scarf … plus everything you’ll need to accentuate the muscular firmness of your fashion-forward douchebag extremities.

[Photo credit: e-mancipate]